16 de Julio
[A Stream of Consciousness Essay.]
Technically it’s tomorrow, but I haven’t gone to sleep yet so I’m counting that as today. Last night I hit a major emotional low. I won’t get into the details, but I was physically exhausted from staying up till 6 am the previous night and I got really sad. But this morning, I woke up before my alarm and conquered the fuck out of today. I worked with an amazing client on a marketing idea. I got to drink some amazing coffee and read a little. I skated around. I had some delicious vegan Tacos, I jumped in the ocean and my soul was healed. I made more money than I’ve made in a while at work and had really good connections with the people there.
It was one of those days where I wasn’t trying that hard, I was in perfect flow. I helped people when I could, I bit off more than I could chew and I handled it with grace, and I made some new friends. I called some old friends and connected with them, I learned some songs on guitar, played some drums, and made it a point to be myself, unabashedly. Today fucking rocked.
While at work I talked with my many friends about Satre, Camus, the new Jim Crow, Shakespeare and Gatsby, the elite inner circle of session stylists, Native American burial mounds in Ohio, and much more. It made me realize how educated the service industry is in this generation. We almost all have a degree or are earning our degree or at least went to school. That has to be a new thing in our society, right?
While I was breaking down my section over a Carolina sunset with more Pink then they should allow in the sky and beautiful splashes of Orange so that it looked like one wide apricot spread out over me, an airplane flew by and I realized that you can always see the sound about 700 feet behind the plane. That made me think of home and living that close to the base.
That made me realize that I really have just a few choices in this next chapter in my life and the reasons are clear. I want to be young while I am young. I want to really really play and not stop playing ever. I want to be with my siblings. Now, whether this means living in California or living in New York and flying out t see them Often I’m not so sure yet, but I’m just trusting that I will find the way. Or that the way will find me. Or that there is no way and everything is fine.
A few weeks ago I served tables for that 70y/o man who looked 48 and acted 19. He was everything I wanted to grow into, except that version of myself. He was young and strong and full of energy. He said his secret was staying optimistic. Happy thoughts. Everything works out. And I couldn’t agree more. I am very optimistic about my life and the things I want are coming for me. The path is relatively clear actually once I allow my mind to be calm.
I’m so happy and grateful that I’m on this journey at all. I’m happy that I’m moving even closer to the beach and I’m happy for all the people I’m attracting in this life o’ mine :). I’m so grateful I get to go to Prague and go have some learning experiences with international people and then come right back to this cool ass town.
I’m really starting to love it here… maybe it’s the drum kit.
