18 de Julio
[A Stream of Consciousness Essay.]
It’s really funny how a day can change. I started this morning exhausted from the night before. I think my biggest mistake was not giving myself any requirements of the day, nothing to push myself to. I said, “I’m just going to get a full 8 hours tonight.” Well, that eventually turned into ten and that turned into me doing nothing, binging on cookies and masturbating. But I called my brother and we had a great talk about personal finance and where our lives were going. He reminded me that if I was a stock and I was bought this year, it would be idiotic to sell me right now. Time in the market always beats timing the market, he reminded me.
I found myself waiting around for Noah to come and play music so I went for a skate at to the campus and on the way I crossed that mystic river with the bridge the hurricane took away. The hurricane most people still remember here. Instead I crossed the pipe and saw a dead possum in it, already becoming the river. Dragonflies, so black they’re green and yellow monarch’s everywhere. It made me think that I talk a lot about personal growth and change and my journey, but what makes me me, and what differentiates my style of writing from any of the other kinds other “Self help” or manifestation books, is that mystical storybook element. The magic that I feel pent up in the energy of that little pipe bridge I have to cross. So much actual life happening right there. I know I haven’t really captured it here, but I do know what I felt, and I do know what makes me, me and that’s pretty cool to know.
While skating to to the University I fell and hit my knee pretty hard. Lying there, I heard this voice say in my head “If you keep looking for validation in other people, you’re never going to find it.” And then the voice went away.
At the university I walked into the gym and realized that i have got to find some job at the university so that I can use that gym. Even if it’s English tutoring. That would honestly be great because it would fill my time up and I do so much better when I’m busy and I have to schedule in rest times and creative times. I’m such a creative motherfucker that my mind starts to eat itself alive if I don’t keep it busy. I’ll go in tomorrow and investigate.
After that, Noah came over and we had a great song writing session which was interrupted by my uncle. Which was frustrating but he did have a lot to add and I try to listen any time someone smarter than me has something to say, no matter how frustrating that is to me at moments. Or at leat that’s what I tell myself. I would like to hope it’s my better judgement telling me “put your pride in check and just listen.” But my pride wants to tell the motherfucker to not barge in on me jamming.
After Noah left though we had a great conversation about writing, songwriting, business, and marketing. Here are some of the things I learned in our long tangenty conversation. 1. Write Melodies to a metronome. 2. Write my songs. Meaning on a keyboard and write stories, put time into them don’t do the doctor seuss stuff I’ve been doing. 3. I’m actually a very good salesman. I’m fearless. I’ll walk into anywhere alone, by myself, make friends and be fine. 4. Find work, defer work, grow network, repeat. 5. Get business cards.
