Big Green Eyes.
[A Stream of Consciousness Essay.]
31 de Agosto.
Things have been really, really, good. Yes my throat is a little sore, and yes I did have really intense nightmare involving the Leprechaun that has been making getting to sleep a little harder for me, and yes my I still have allowed myself from time to time to slip into that crazy reeling cloud of negativity that changes everything to black. Pero, a pesar de todo, todo esta bien.
I’ve been making art! and that’s really exciting to me because what you see next to this text is the look I’ve been going for a very very long time. I knew I could do it, but because I have so many projects. But the original goal, to wrap them all into one thing is slowly taking form and that is incredibly exciting for me. I don’t want to go into all the details. I’ve been trying to do less talking about the work, and more work, but let’s just say there’s a lot to be excited for.
I’ve been incredibly social, while at the same time making money, and making art and still getting sufficient hours of sleep. I’m incredibly grateful to the philosophy of the four-hour workweek, and I so lucky I have the time to digest and implement his principles. My life was already so incredibly different just from doing that first exercise of eye-gazing so he’s sold himself to me. I’ll be honest though, I’m procrastinating doing the next challenge: Dream-lining. I know why. Because it’s hard to look at your future by putting down the numbers. No matter, still going to do it. If I can tell it’s uncomfortable then it means I definitely need to do it. And I love that I have trained that inner voice in my head to realize that and tell me to do it anyway. Because there are moments when I am in danger of being frozen, and I think about how uncomfortable doing something will be, and I usually do it especially because it is uncomfortable. In this way, I am growing into exactly the person I knew I was always supposed to be.
For example, I woke up rather late because I didn’t want to go to sleep because of the nightmare. On top of that, I had my little cough and my body needed to rest. I was woken up by my student loan provider, so that was fun. But it prompted me to call my dad and we ended up having a really good conversation. I also had two main objectives for that day. 1: Finish a freelance job and 2: go to salsa class. On top of that, I forgot I’d agreed to go painting with my friend. So I started to freak out until I remembered what I’d been reading in Four. That most things take the amount of time you give them to repeat. Meaning, that if I only gave myself a few hours to complete the job, it would be done. And I could do that after painting and Salsa.
Painting was super fun because she had mota and because her house was filled to the brim with art. Her roommates were cool and collected a whole bunch of religious artifacts, little buddhas and virgin Mary’s everywhere. I learned how to play a singing bowl. He collected old books from his grandmother's house about gardening and cooking and they just made my mouth water by how beautiful they were.
I used a new tool while painting, and you can see the final product in that first painting above. I was using an ink pen with this Chinese black ink with Gold dust inside (I’ll show you the gold version when it dries.) But Painting it was so fun because I let my mind wander to all the stories I wrote when I was younger and it made me realize how many great stories I have inside of me that need to come out. Galden. The Dragon and The Inventor. The Invisible Audience. Yana Macabb. Two Dark Planets. Devolver. The Familial Conceal. The Dessert, The Ocean, and The Stars.
That painting sketch is mostly about that first novel I completed in the fifth grade. And it was such a cool form of writing, drawing it out like that. This is definitely going to become a part of my process as I’m creating a story. Usually, A character will just come out of my hands without me thinking very hard. And that’s the key to this kind of sketching. Not thinking very hard at all. Not even trying to create anything, just letting your tool do what it does and playing with that. Because then something will come out and it won’t be what you expect.
I’d draw someone and not realize till way later, “Oh! That’s the goblin king and of course, he’s a Spaniard! I don’t know if the sketch looks like a lot to you, but it’s got so much useful information to me as I plan out and recreate this novel for something to be published.
I’d hooked up with this friend and she told me how cool it was that I could come over and paint and that we didn’t ghost each other. I thought so too. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was enjoying every minute of it. Giani called and we talked to him on speakerphone. I’m very excited to have him come with Garrett to see me!
After Painting I skated downtown and had a cheeseburger and a really long conversation with Justin. I filled him in on everything that’s been happening me with the Lamb, and staying up till sunrise two nights in a row and the nightmare and wandering downtown and meeting those tripped out girls. It was great to be there on that warm summer day sitting on the porch eating a delicious burger made even more delicious por la mota y talking and laughing my ass off with my best friend.
After that, It was an uncomfortable decision time. I still hadn’t paid for the salsa class and was afraid of walking in there a week late. But I knew that I was supposed to, and I did it. I had a great time there and spoke a lot of Spanish which is always a plus. I was speaking a lot the night before too with my friends when we met Vladmere and I still feel a little guilty about not buying him a drink. But rather than stewing in it, I’m just going to use that as a lesson: it feels better to be generous, and the minute you’re feeling like you don’t have enough, that’s probably when you really need to be.
After that Garrett Called and confirmed he was coming to visit and I felt so lucky that two of my brothers were coming to see me. After that I bought some fruit and a kombucha tea and got to work. And guess what? I got that shit done.
While it rendered, I put on some good music and danced around outside on my longboard for an hour. I saw my aunt had just got back from California and I said hey to her and that felt good. I could see how much I was smiling and how good this place has actually been to me. What a surprise. Life is good.
Today, I’m still dealing with the tiredness and the getting back to work aspect of it, a big part of me wants to be incredibly lazy, but hey, this is all part of the learning process and I know I’m going to figure it out. I am actually chilling. I believe in my ability to bring anything I want into my life and I’m incredibly grateful for all of it.
2116.
